


A Sense of Belonging

by timeless_alice



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Ableism, Autistic Character, Gen, childhood bullying, unrealistic airport behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:36:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9533984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeless_alice/pseuds/timeless_alice
Summary: Tumblr Prompt FillJulian Albert has spent most of his life lonely. Moving to Central City changes that.





	

_The same math that makes it almost impossible for us to be alone in the universe also makes it almost impossible we’ll meet any other beings._

 

             Julian’s life had been marked with a thorough, bone deep loneliness. It was apparent early on that he was _different,_ a word his grandparents would sneer to his parents, whenever he’d skip etiquette lessons or avoid gatherings to explore the expansive gardens. It wasn’t long before he began tucking parts of himself away, stilling any fidgeting that could be deemed inappropriate and sitting through lessons even as his thoughts wandered. But he couldn’t connect with anyone, not really, no matter how many parties he suffered through until his skin itched and senses could no longer handle the sheer volume of input.

            It was as if he existed on a different plane of existence from everyone else.

            Anyone who managed to work their way into his circle would, sooner or later, reveal their true intentions. It came with a certain inevitability that did nothing but make Julian withdraw more and more into himself, as he realized they only spent time with him because of his status, or his family’s money. He would learn, almost always by accident, that they would go behind his back to mock his mannerisms that were born of general social awkwardness and any neurodivergence he seemed to have. A few had even been brave enough to do it to his face, under the apparent assumption that he was too stupid to understand (he’d been scolded for the few occasions he’d reacted with a punch, instead of returning home with the dejected desire to hide in his room and cry, knowing he’d be scolded for that, too).

            As he worked his way through university, pouring over his studies (first forensic anthropology, and then a Frankenstein of forensics fields for meta-humans), he couldn’t help but wonder if the burning desire to be helpful was a push against his own loneliness, an inherent want to keep others safe, or some combination of both. He supposed that both may be possible.

…

            Julian quite liked the anonymity of airports, away from the circles that would recognize him in an instant. He looked forward to anonymity of a new country, and had refused almost all help from his family that would put him apart. The isolation was wearing him down, and he needed a change from everything.

             He sat by the gate, staring off into the distance as people filed in to fill in seats.  He rested his elbow against the arm of the seat on the far end, to snap his fingers by his ear, one of the few ticks he allowed himself in public. The building around him was buzzing with noise of one kind of another, and he did his best to ignore it.

            “Nervous about flying?” a voice cut through the din, shocking Julian into the present. It took him a moment to realize the comment was addressed to him.

            Breath stuck in his throat, embarrassed that he’d drawn the attention of someone, he stilled himself before turning to the source: a woman sitting opposite him, with a carry-on suitcase propped up beside her. She offered him a small smile when she caught his attention, though he quickly broke eye contact, cocking her head slightly to spill black hair over her shoulder.

            “Sorry,” she went on when he didn’t answer. “I know talking at an airport is weird, but _I_ don’t like flying.” She had a thick Scottish accent – from Edinburgh, if he had to wager a guess.

            Julian shifted in his seat, steeling himself like he would for parties, even though she didn’t seem like the type his family usually surrounded themselves with (though she reminded him of his mother’s family, who he’d only seen on a few rare occasions). “No it’s… fine. I actually haven’t been on a plane before, so I don’t know what to expect.” At least, not a public plane.

            She laughed, something sharp and friendly. “I’m sure you’ll be fine, I just don’t like heights.” There was a small pause, and she leaned forward in her seat. He assumed her smile, lopsided and flashing teeth, was friendly, but he’d never been good with expressions. “I’m Rita, by the way.”

            “Julian.”

            And they talked until the plane arrived. He remained guarded and careful, even if she seemed genuine, but it was…nice. They spoke of why they were heading to America (both work related, though her stay would be more temporary than his), and she didn’t get annoyed when he began to ramble on about his field of forensics, even as he stumbled to a halt and apologized for taking over the conversation. She simply laughed and told him it was fine, really, she thought it was interesting.

            They exchanged numbers, and with a degree of nervousness she asked if he was interested in getting coffee or something with her when they arrived in Central (against all better judgment, he said yes).

…

            Months passed in central. Crime cases stacked up, Barry proved to be unreliable, and the other officers in the CCPD turned out to be just as bad as the people back home.

            Julian shouldered the stares and muttered comments, some said with the clear intention of him hearing them. Some were the usual, about is oddities he’d never been able to get full control of, while others were complaints about his prickly personality. He ignored all of it, something he was good at with all his years of practice. It didn’t make him feel any less isolated, but he managed.

            It was a standard morning. Some officer (Julian didn’t know who it was, nor did he particularly care) had made a jibe at Julian’s difficulty reading people. Julian ignored him, stalking by to get through the station to his own office. His shoulders still tensed nonetheless when the man threw a slur at him, in the middle of a comment wondering if he could take a joke, but he kept walking.

            “I’m not going to tolerate that kind of bullshit,” Captain Singh’s voice rang, loud and authoritative, with a tone that could possibly be anger.

            Julian stopped and turned, as did everyone else present. Singh was meeting the gaze of the offending man with a very even glare. The man took a single step back, opening his mouth once to stammer a “Sir, I-” before snapping it closed. Singh pointed at him and went on:

            “If you worked even half as hard as he did you wouldn’t have time for this.”

            The man bowed his head and mumbled, “Yes, sir.”

            “Now what are you waiting for?” Singh snapped. “Prove that I didn’t make a mistake hiring you and get to work.”

            The man hurried off, and Singh turned his attention to the other members of staff who’d stop to watch. “That goes for the rest of you.” He spook loud enough for all to hear, voice still edged with frustration. He waved his hand, to get everyone moving. “Go!”

            Julian stood there for a moment longer, even as the station returned to its usual buzz. He supposed he shouldn’t be too surprised; Singh had always made it crystal clear that he had no patience at all for any kind of bigotry, and most were smart enough to keep that behavior away from him, because it was always a bit of a spectacle when he found out. It was just that he had assumed that would never extend to him, as it never had before.

            He caught Singh’s eye, just as he was about to leave for his own duties, and he gave Julian a small nod. A confirmation that he was in Julian’s corner.

…

            More months passed and Julian’s world was unraveling. More than the usual loneliness he felt a crushing terror, the weight of everything bearing down on him with unrelenting pressure. Mysterious bruises that seemed to multiply every time he woke up, large patches of memory missing, question upon question that he had no explanations for. There was no one he could turn to for comfort (he couldn’t tell Rita, there was nothing she could do and she was miles away), and so he merely doubled down and dealt with it on his own, like he had done for his whole life.

            The Flash and his team throwing him a lifeline was among the last things he expected.

            As they worked together to unravel the mystery, and subsequently put Julian’s life back together, they all kept careful tread around him (not that he blamed them). But they promised to help him, even after he’d proved himself a threat and after he’d been nothing but standoffish to Barry at work.

            He dared to hope they liked him, even with all his problems, at least to some degree. The team struck him as a family, and a large part of him wanted to be included in that, watching them gently tease each other. Watching them be nonjudgmental with traumas and stims and behaviors he’d been taught to surpress. More rational thoughts told him that they were just keeping him around because he was useful, had valuable information for them. That idea would soften any rejection, so he clung to it, remaining as an outsider to them.

            He could scarcely believe when Barry officially welcomed him to the team. He almost laughed while clasping Barry’s hand for a shake, letting his guard down for just a moment to revel in this moment. The walls would go back up in time, but for the moment he simply wished to bask in the feeling of being wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> You can pry autistic Julian from my cold, dead hands
> 
> You can also pry Singh being against all forms of bigotry from my cold, dead hands too.
> 
> anyway this is for a prompt fill! i'm timelessmulder on tumblr


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